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thirdmondayTitle: The Rest is History
Recipient: everysecondtuesday
Fandom/s: The Daily Show
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language
Characters/Pairing: Jon/Stephen, Mo Rocca, Steve Carell
Prompt: Jon Stewart. I would like a fic that is all about Jon. It can be gen, Jon/Tracy, Jon/Stephen, Jon/Workaholism--the choice is up to you. I'm not very familiar with West Wing, but other than that, feel free to open this up for crossovers, if you feel like writing something PRT or something else entirely.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author: raysgal
Notes: Takes place just before George W. Bush came to presidency in 2001.
“Give me those.” Jon gaped as Mo appeared out of nowhere in the alley and snatched his cigarettes before he could even light one. “No more. You’re gonna die sooner than you want if you keep this up.”
“You’re gonna die in a second if you don’t give that box back,” Jon returned.
“No. I’m saving your life and your breath.”
“My breath?”
“Stephen hates the taste of smoke.”
“What does Stephen have to do with this?”
“Everything.”
“You’re an asshole, Mo. Give me back my cigarettes.”
“No. You need to quit and now is the perfect time. We’re about to reign in a new government regime and you’re on shaky ground with Stephen. You stop smoking and maybe you’ll be able to handle both without turning into an old man faster.”
“Will you just shut up and give me those back?” Jon attempted to reach for them, but Mo raised the box above his head. Jon frowned and jumped up only once in an effort to grab them. It wasn’t fair that nearly everyone was taller than him. He contemplated tickling the man, but he wasn’t sure how Mo would react. “I can always go buy another pack.”
“And I will keep stealing them from you.”
“You can’t steal what you can’t find,” Jon shot back. He let out a sigh realizing he sounded like he was ten. “Mo, just… Come on, man.”
“Listen to me, Stewart. I’m going to tell you a list of Stephen’s dislikes and most of them surround things people do to poison their bodies. I won’t lie and say he hasn’t partaken of the plant, but when he’s looking at potential people to date nothing turns him off more than this.”
“So?”
“So?” Mo repeated sounding exasperated. “Is that all you can say?”
“So what?”
“Fuck, Stewart. I thought you were interested in Stephen. You practically break into song whenever he’s in the room. And when he’s talking you just stare in awe. You’re either just infatuated with the man or there’s something else. There has to be something else because I saw you kissing him in the stairwell the other night.”
“Shit,” Jon groaned as he ran a hand over his face. “Mo, you can’t tell anyone. I don’t need the network or anyone in this fucking studio knowing that.”
“Why? Are you embarrassed?”
“Look, I thought I was done with the guy on guy thing a long time ago. I did it once and the asshole was just a fucking asshole. It was fine because there really wasn’t anything else going on. My job has changed though. My audience has changed. I need to keep my head above water and not sink just because people know that I’m not…” Jon shrugged.
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I never said I was, Mo. I just don’t need this hanging over my head and forcing me to watch every little thing I do.”
“What are you going to tell Stephen?”
“He doesn’t need to know anything. I’ll just tell him that nothing can happen. It’s not cool to string anyone along. He’s a nice guy and deserves better than me. I’m definitely not the right person for him.”
“He’s had better,” Mo told him. Jon shot him a look. “But apparently he wants you.”
“You’re not my therapist, Mo. Just leave this the fuck alone and let me smoke in peace. I don’t need to be worried about any of this shit. I have a show to do.”
“Fine.” Mo handed the pack back over to Jon. “Just don’t come crying to me when you’ve realized how much you fucked.”
“I won’t.” Mo glared at him and pursed his lips a moment before turning and going back into the studio. Jon shook his head then pulled a cigarette out of the pack. He stared at it a moment before placing it between his lips. He didn’t immediately pull out his lighter as he looked at the box. “Motherfucker.” He pulled the cigarette out and tossed everything into a nearby dumpster then headed back into the building.
****
“Does that work? Should I go take a crew out and start filming?”
Jon frowned at the question then glanced down at his yellow notepad. He’d been doodling and writing ‘Fuck. I need a smoke’ at least a dozen times. He looked at Stephen who was watching him expectantly. The other man’s hair was a mess. It always was off the set and Jon liked it better that way. What had Stephen been talking about though? Had he agreed to it the first time? Did he suggest changes? Crap. He was going to have to pretend he had been paying attention.
“Jon?”
“Yeah. Fine. Go ahead. I reserve the right for the final okay.”
“You always have that. I may not agree all the time, but you’re the boss and I’m just an underling here to do your bidding.”
“It doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you and the others know better than I do.”
“True. The students occasionally teach the teacher.”
“Speaking of other students, what’s Steve up to?”
“I don’t know. Doing Steve things. Usually consists of seeing how far away he can stand from the trash can and still make the basket with his paper ball.”
“Why the fuck am I paying him then?”
“Because I asked you to,” Stephen answered. “I’ll get him started on another Even Stevphen. Then the illusion that he actually works will start and you won’t be as upset about giving him money. Works for everyone.” He stood up and began to gather up his items. “So, I’ll put the finishing touches on the script and head out tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow’s Friday.”
“Yeah,” Stephen agreed. “That gives you some time to rest up this weekend before you come in on Monday and look at it. Preferably less distracted because I do so enjoy being ignored when I come to present a segment to you.”
“Sorry,” Jon mumbled. “I’ve just been…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m trying to quit smoking and it seems to not be working very well.”
“Cold turkey?”
“Yeah, but I’m still sneaking one in every now and then. I didn’t realize how addicted I was.”
“That’s what nicotine will do to you. At least you’re not a coffee fiend.”
“Ah, so you’re the one who keeps draining the last of the pot.”
“I never said it was me. It could be Vance for all you know.”
“Is it?”
“No.”
“Jesus, Stephen, do you always give up that easily?”
“Not with everything,” Stephen answered. He smiled as he sat back down and leaned over Jon’s desk. “And not with everyone.”
“Stephen, look…”
“I didn’t say anything about anything,” Stephen interjected getting on his feet once more. “I told you that night what I thought and I haven’t said anything since. I was just hoping you kinda would.”
“I’m really flattered and everything, but…”
“Give it until the election is over,” Stephen interrupted. “That’s a month. You think about it and then give me one good reason why and I’ll drop it. There are plenty of other fish in the sea for me to date. I’m just more interested in you right now. And if you say no I won’t be hurt. I promise. I’ll even keep coming to work and be civil and everything. No bunny boiling on my part.”
“I don’t own a bunny.”
“Hamster?”
“Nope.”
“Guinea Pig?”
“No.” Stephen frowned at him.
“Well, my non-boiling of your non-pet will happen. Just think about it.”
Jon contemplated telling Stephen to forget about it right there, but he looked into those brown eyes and found himself wanting to just say yes. It was easy. They could have a relationship and since they worked together it wouldn’t look odd to be coming and going together. To have dinners at nice restaurants. To shoot the shit on the weekends. He couldn’t though. There were too many ways for all of that to blow up in their faces and fuck the show up. He would wait and he would let Stephen down gently the day after the election.
“I will, Stephen.”
“Good,” Stephen said with a smile. “Can I do one thing though?”
“What?”
Jon watched as Stephen walked around the desk then took a hold on Jon’s chin and proceeded to place a gentle kiss on Jon’s lips. He was reminded of how soft the other man’s lips were and he could smell the coffee Stephen had been drinking earlier. Stephen backed up with a satisfied expression. Jon almost begged him to come back and do more, but his rational voice scolded him and his raging hormones.
“So, I’ll see you Monday. Get some sleep this weekend. I want to see you bright eyed and bushy tailed.”
“Isn’t that usually everyone’s description of you?”
“Yeah, but wouldn’t it freak them out a little if you actually came in one morning not looking like a zombie?” Stephen returned. He picked up his stuff again. “See you later.” He walked out of Jon’s office with a wave and Jon closed his eyes with a sigh.
****
“Hey, good lookin’.” Jon glanced to his right then took a drink of his beer. “Oh, come on. You can’t still be mad at me. I haven’t said anything to you about anything in two weeks.”
“He gave me a date.”
“Who gave you what?”
“Stephen gave me until the day after the election to make up my mind.”
“So, that definitely tells you he’s interested. What are you going to do?”
“I thought I knew. I really did. I was ready to tell him it wasn’t going to happen because I’m not right for him, because the network would freak out and because it would put a strain on everything.”
“Those sound like valid reasons, but they also sound like excuses because you’re a fucking chicken.”
“I didn’t say I had made up my mind, Mo. He had to kiss me and fuck it all up. I actually caught myself thinking about spending a lazy Sunday afternoon with him while I watched the Mets and he read a book. I don’t know where the hell that came from though. I’ve never been that guy. I never thought much past getting into my date’s pants and whether I should sneak out afterward or wait until the morning. And now I’ve got brunches and furniture shopping in my head.”
“Sounds like someone’s biological clock is ticking,” Mo retorted.
“Shut the fuck up, asshole. This is all your fault. You got me thinking about it. I was just going to leave it at the fucking kiss and ignore everything else. Stephen would have picked up on it and moved on.”
“Don’t blame all of this on me,” Mo told him. “Somehow you got Stephen interested.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t even think he liked me when I first started. I’m pretty sure he thought they were going to give him the hosting spot.”
“There was talk,” Mo said. “You had more of a name though. You had a show on MTV. Stephen only had failed TV shows and his failure as a news anchor.”
“He’s not a failure. What about the show he’s doing with his friends?”
“Not exactly burning up in the ratings,” Mo answered. “And it’s a little hard to do two shows at once. Somehow he keeps turning up at the studio looking like he had more sleep than most people will see in their life.”
“He told me to show up on Monday looking like I actually got some sleep. I certainly hope he was joking because after his little ultimatum and the fact my head likes to fuck with me I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Sorry, Jon.”
“You should be. You’re the fucker that had to butt his way into everything.”
“I don’t know if I’d put it like that.”
“I just did, Rocca. Deal with it. Now, if you’re going to be hanging out with me for the rest of the night I suggest you man up and get yourself an actual drink.”
“This is a drink,” Mo protested lifting his glass partially filled with an orange liquid.
“That is fruity cocktail. I’m talking shots.”
“Fine,” Mo agreed with a sigh. “But nothing I say tonight should be held against me. If I start talking about my wish to see certain people naked I do not need you reminding me of that ever. Do you understand?”
“Fine.” Jon waved at the bartender who came over. “Two shots of my usual, Mike.”
“You have a usual?” Mo asked.
“It helps when you become a regular,” Jon responded. Mike put the shot glasses in front of the men. Jon picked his up and waited for Mo who looked at it skeptically. “Bottoms up.” He threw it back and watched in amusement as Mo did the same than begin to cough violently.
“Smooth,” Mo croaked.
****
“Mo,” Jon said. The lump on his couch known as Mo Rocca didn’t move. “Come on, Mo. Get the fuck out of my apartment.”
“You tried to kill me,” Mo mumbled into the cushions.
“I did not,” Jon responded. “Get up.”
“No.”
“I have shit to do and I’m not leaving you here.”
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you gave me that fifth shot then proceeded to share your stand-up stories.”
“If you repeat that one about…”
“I won’t because you’re not repeating the one about the monkey.”
“I won’t.”
“Good.” Mo still didn’t move so Jon took a seat on his coffee table and stared at the man. “Why are you looking at me?”
“How can you tell? You’re eyes aren’t even open.”
“It’s a feeling. What do you want?”
“To thank you.”
“For what? Throwing up on the stairs outside your complex?”
“No. For listening to me. You stopped giving me shit and just listened. I appreciate that. No one’s done that for a while. I keep forgetting that there are actually decent people in this world.”
“You’re welcome. Now, can you shut up? I have this hangover that doesn’t like your voice.”
“You still need to get the fuck out of my apartment.”
“Go do your shit. I won’t steal anything. You probably don’t have anything worth stealing anyway.”
“Yeah, that Picasso above the couch is worthless.”
“Quit fucking with me, Stewart.”
“I was never fucking you to begin with. You’re the one that tried to kiss me.”
“Liar.”
“I wouldn’t make that up. You fucking tried to kiss me just before you tried to throw up on me.”
“Just shut up.”
“Fine. Lock up when you leave.” Jon stood up and grabbed the blanket that had fallen on the floor and placed it back on Mo. “Thanks again.” Mo smiled faintly.
****
Jon hesitated outside of the office. He knew Stephen wasn’t in there. Steve was though. He had seen Stephen leave with a woman friend of his. Amy? Yeah, Amy sounded right. She was cute. What was going on there?
“Will you stop hovering and just come in?”
Jon froze and the door opened the rest of the way. Steve stood inside wearing his studio clothes. He hadn’t changed unlike Jon.
“Sorry. I was just trying to remember something.”
“Did you need something? I said I’d have that segment tomorrow morning.”
“I need to ask you some questions,” Jon replied.
“About?”
“Stephen.”
“Stephen?” Steve repeated with a bewildered expression. “He just left with Amy. Call him if you need him.”
“No. I don’t need him here. I need to know a few things.” Steve continued to look confused. “Let me in so I’m not out here looking ridiculous.”
“Yeah. Come in. Just watch out for…” Jon stepped on something and winced at the crunch. “Well, I was going to say to watch out for the Legos, but I guess it’s too late for that.”
“Legos?” Jon looked down at his feet. “You guys play with Legos?”
“Play is such a juvenile word. We prefer create.” Jon gave him a look. “Okay, yes, we play with Legos. It helps us from going mad.”
“Wouldn’t the fact you’re both grown men playing with Legos be crazy enough?” Jon asked, moving a small stack books out of a chair so he could sit.
“Stop questioning our methods,” Steve told him. He crossed his arms and gave Jon a long look. “What do you need to know?”
“Tell me about Stephen.”
“That’s different from me answering questions you have about Stephen. Why can’t you talk to him yourself?”
“Because I can’t. Just tell me something. Anything.”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because I do. Can’t a guy just be curious about his fellow co-workers?”
“Then why don’t you ask me about me?”
“That’s for another day. Today is Stephen.”
“Okay. Fine. Well, he grew up in South Carolina. He’s the youngest of eleven kids. His dad died when he was ten.”
“Wait. His dad’s dead?”
“Yeah. His dad and two of his brothers died in a plane crash. Didn’t you know that?”
“No. I remember him saying he was going to talk to his dad on Father’s Day. I assumed he was going to call him up so I told Stephen to tell his dad I said hi. I didn’t realize that he actually meant…” Jon sighed. “Jesus, I am a bit of an ass.”
“No, you’re not,” Steve replied. “You didn’t know. What did Stephen say to you later?”
“That his dad said hi.”
“Then everything’s fine.”
“When did it happen?”
“September 11, 1974.”
“Fuck,” Jon groaned. “Okay. Well, I give up. I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Nothing,” Jon answered as he stood. “Forget it.” Steve frowned.
“No. You have to tell me now.”
“I do not.”
“Do to.”
“Do not.”
“Do to.”
“Do not.”
“Damn it,” Steve said. “We’re not ten. Just tell me what’s going on, Jon. You come in here and start asking me questions about Stephen. Stephen is my friend, Jon. I care about the guy even if sometimes he’s an ass, but then so am I sometimes. Just tell me what’s going on. ”
“Fine,” Jon responded. “I’m sorta, maybe considering,” He put a hand over his mouth, “dating Stephen.”
“What now?”
“I said,” Jon lifted his arms up and spoke into his bicep, “dating Stephen.”
“Okay. You need to speak clearly now.” Steve grabbed Jon’s wrists as he moved close to the man. “Tell me precisely what the fuck you’re trying to say because I don’t understand mumble.”
“Let go of me.”
“No. If I let go you’ll try talking into your crotch or something. Just talk to me.”
Jon took in a deep breath and looked around the room to focus on something. Anything except Steve’s green, curious eyes. Just like Stephen’s they were always inquisitive and expressive. He didn’t want to look at them.
“Jon?”
“I think I’m interested in Stephen,” Jon mumbled glancing downward at their shoes.
“I’m pretty sure I just heard that you’re interested in Stephen.”
“Yes.”
“And that’s why you’re being all weird and antsy. And why Stephen is really counting the days until the election.”
“That would be the case.”
“That’s fucking awesome.” Jon was suddenly engulfed in a hug by the other man and was momentarily afraid Steve was going to squeeze his guts out.
“Steve…”
“Oh, sorry.” Steve released him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m just glad that Stephen’s happy again. And that you’re interested. It’s just kinda awesome.”
“I said interested, Steve. Let’s not go overboard here. I haven’t decided on anything. I’m interested, but the thing is that I don’t think I’m right for him. He’s given me until the day after the election to decide.”
“Oh, come on. Seriously? You have to think about it? If it was me I wouldn’t. I’d accept it and be glad that Stephen chose me. That he saw something in you that he liked and wanted more of.”
“Why do I get the feeling…?”
“We did. Back at Second City. So did Amy and Paul. We’re better as friends.”
“What the hell did I do though?” Jon asked. “I’m not the right guy for him, Steve. I’ve never had one thought to a serious relationship and suddenly I’m considering furniture shopping so the couch matches our rug.”
“Furniture shopping? How fucking gay are you?”
“Look, asshole, I’m trying to be serious here. I’m so fucking confused. I want to tell Stephen I can’t do it because I’m not that guy. I’ve never been that guy, but he makes me want to be that guy.”
“Then be that guy,” Steve said.
“Damn it, Steve. There’s more to it than that. There’s the network to worry about. The audience. The…”
“Those are just fucking excuses,” Steve interrupted. “If you really want this then the only thing you need to worry about is making sure you don’t make some kind of sex tape that gets out to the public. And nobody is asking you to be brazen about the whole relationship or suddenly become the spokesmen for the entire gay community. It’s about you and Stephen. Not about them. Not about some assholes in suits. It’s about you.” Steve poked him in the chest hard enough that Jon was sure there would be a bruise later. “Don’t let other people dictate your decisions, Jon. That’s a good way to make sure you’re unhappy for a very long time.”
“That’s easy for you to say, but…”
“Fuck, Jon, you say one more stupid thing I will punch you. It’s your fucking decision, understand? Your decision.”
“Okay. Geez, I got it,” Jon said holding up his hands in surrender. “I’ll figure it out. Thanks for your help.”
“No problem,” Steve returned with a smile. “I hope you and Stephen have a nice first date. And don’t pressure him into anything. He likes to move slowly.”
“That is just too much information.”
“I’m just trying to be helpful.”
“Believe me, Steve, you were. I just didn’t need to know the mating rituals of Stephen Colbert.”
“Glad to be of service.”
****
“Some night, huh?” Jon looked at Stephen who was standing on the other side of the set desk. “We don’t even know who the president is.”
“Probably won’t even know until tomorrow,” Jon added.
“Won’t know a lot of things until tomorrow,” Stephen said with a sly smile.
“Stephen, about that,” Jon started as he stood. He began to move around the desk and was on the same level as Stephen. “I really don’t…”
“Stop,” Stephen ordered. “It’s not tomorrow. I said tell me after the election.”
“But I know now,” Jon replied. “Let me say it now.”
“You waited a month,” Stephen stated. “I don’t think a couple more hours will really hurt anything.”
“That’s the thing,” Jon began again. “I think it will. You won’t believe how many fucking hours I’ve agonized over this. How many people I had to consult in making this decision.”
“You consulted people?”
“Well, Mo and Steve. And Mo really just foisted his help on me. Even got me to quit smoking.”
“I noticed. Nice to know you’ll be hanging around the planet a little while longer now.”
“I wouldn’t have even fucking cared about that, but quitting somehow became about you. Everything seemed to become about you, Stephen. It was weird and scary and I think I saw some of my hair go gray right before my eyes. That has never happened. Never.”
“Oh,” Stephen murmured. “Is that a good thing? A bad thing?”
“I don’t know what it was,” Jon confessed. “And I honestly didn’t know what to do. You gave me until the day after the election, but if I wait any fucking longer then I think I might go a little nuts.”
“I’d hate for that to happen.”
“So my answer to you is yes.”
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Recipient: everysecondtuesday
Fandom/s: The Daily Show
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language
Characters/Pairing: Jon/Stephen, Mo Rocca, Steve Carell
Prompt: Jon Stewart. I would like a fic that is all about Jon. It can be gen, Jon/Tracy, Jon/Stephen, Jon/Workaholism--the choice is up to you. I'm not very familiar with West Wing, but other than that, feel free to open this up for crossovers, if you feel like writing something PRT or something else entirely.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author: raysgal
Notes: Takes place just before George W. Bush came to presidency in 2001.
“Give me those.” Jon gaped as Mo appeared out of nowhere in the alley and snatched his cigarettes before he could even light one. “No more. You’re gonna die sooner than you want if you keep this up.”
“You’re gonna die in a second if you don’t give that box back,” Jon returned.
“No. I’m saving your life and your breath.”
“My breath?”
“Stephen hates the taste of smoke.”
“What does Stephen have to do with this?”
“Everything.”
“You’re an asshole, Mo. Give me back my cigarettes.”
“No. You need to quit and now is the perfect time. We’re about to reign in a new government regime and you’re on shaky ground with Stephen. You stop smoking and maybe you’ll be able to handle both without turning into an old man faster.”
“Will you just shut up and give me those back?” Jon attempted to reach for them, but Mo raised the box above his head. Jon frowned and jumped up only once in an effort to grab them. It wasn’t fair that nearly everyone was taller than him. He contemplated tickling the man, but he wasn’t sure how Mo would react. “I can always go buy another pack.”
“And I will keep stealing them from you.”
“You can’t steal what you can’t find,” Jon shot back. He let out a sigh realizing he sounded like he was ten. “Mo, just… Come on, man.”
“Listen to me, Stewart. I’m going to tell you a list of Stephen’s dislikes and most of them surround things people do to poison their bodies. I won’t lie and say he hasn’t partaken of the plant, but when he’s looking at potential people to date nothing turns him off more than this.”
“So?”
“So?” Mo repeated sounding exasperated. “Is that all you can say?”
“So what?”
“Fuck, Stewart. I thought you were interested in Stephen. You practically break into song whenever he’s in the room. And when he’s talking you just stare in awe. You’re either just infatuated with the man or there’s something else. There has to be something else because I saw you kissing him in the stairwell the other night.”
“Shit,” Jon groaned as he ran a hand over his face. “Mo, you can’t tell anyone. I don’t need the network or anyone in this fucking studio knowing that.”
“Why? Are you embarrassed?”
“Look, I thought I was done with the guy on guy thing a long time ago. I did it once and the asshole was just a fucking asshole. It was fine because there really wasn’t anything else going on. My job has changed though. My audience has changed. I need to keep my head above water and not sink just because people know that I’m not…” Jon shrugged.
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I never said I was, Mo. I just don’t need this hanging over my head and forcing me to watch every little thing I do.”
“What are you going to tell Stephen?”
“He doesn’t need to know anything. I’ll just tell him that nothing can happen. It’s not cool to string anyone along. He’s a nice guy and deserves better than me. I’m definitely not the right person for him.”
“He’s had better,” Mo told him. Jon shot him a look. “But apparently he wants you.”
“You’re not my therapist, Mo. Just leave this the fuck alone and let me smoke in peace. I don’t need to be worried about any of this shit. I have a show to do.”
“Fine.” Mo handed the pack back over to Jon. “Just don’t come crying to me when you’ve realized how much you fucked.”
“I won’t.” Mo glared at him and pursed his lips a moment before turning and going back into the studio. Jon shook his head then pulled a cigarette out of the pack. He stared at it a moment before placing it between his lips. He didn’t immediately pull out his lighter as he looked at the box. “Motherfucker.” He pulled the cigarette out and tossed everything into a nearby dumpster then headed back into the building.
****
“Does that work? Should I go take a crew out and start filming?”
Jon frowned at the question then glanced down at his yellow notepad. He’d been doodling and writing ‘Fuck. I need a smoke’ at least a dozen times. He looked at Stephen who was watching him expectantly. The other man’s hair was a mess. It always was off the set and Jon liked it better that way. What had Stephen been talking about though? Had he agreed to it the first time? Did he suggest changes? Crap. He was going to have to pretend he had been paying attention.
“Jon?”
“Yeah. Fine. Go ahead. I reserve the right for the final okay.”
“You always have that. I may not agree all the time, but you’re the boss and I’m just an underling here to do your bidding.”
“It doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you and the others know better than I do.”
“True. The students occasionally teach the teacher.”
“Speaking of other students, what’s Steve up to?”
“I don’t know. Doing Steve things. Usually consists of seeing how far away he can stand from the trash can and still make the basket with his paper ball.”
“Why the fuck am I paying him then?”
“Because I asked you to,” Stephen answered. “I’ll get him started on another Even Stevphen. Then the illusion that he actually works will start and you won’t be as upset about giving him money. Works for everyone.” He stood up and began to gather up his items. “So, I’ll put the finishing touches on the script and head out tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow’s Friday.”
“Yeah,” Stephen agreed. “That gives you some time to rest up this weekend before you come in on Monday and look at it. Preferably less distracted because I do so enjoy being ignored when I come to present a segment to you.”
“Sorry,” Jon mumbled. “I’ve just been…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m trying to quit smoking and it seems to not be working very well.”
“Cold turkey?”
“Yeah, but I’m still sneaking one in every now and then. I didn’t realize how addicted I was.”
“That’s what nicotine will do to you. At least you’re not a coffee fiend.”
“Ah, so you’re the one who keeps draining the last of the pot.”
“I never said it was me. It could be Vance for all you know.”
“Is it?”
“No.”
“Jesus, Stephen, do you always give up that easily?”
“Not with everything,” Stephen answered. He smiled as he sat back down and leaned over Jon’s desk. “And not with everyone.”
“Stephen, look…”
“I didn’t say anything about anything,” Stephen interjected getting on his feet once more. “I told you that night what I thought and I haven’t said anything since. I was just hoping you kinda would.”
“I’m really flattered and everything, but…”
“Give it until the election is over,” Stephen interrupted. “That’s a month. You think about it and then give me one good reason why and I’ll drop it. There are plenty of other fish in the sea for me to date. I’m just more interested in you right now. And if you say no I won’t be hurt. I promise. I’ll even keep coming to work and be civil and everything. No bunny boiling on my part.”
“I don’t own a bunny.”
“Hamster?”
“Nope.”
“Guinea Pig?”
“No.” Stephen frowned at him.
“Well, my non-boiling of your non-pet will happen. Just think about it.”
Jon contemplated telling Stephen to forget about it right there, but he looked into those brown eyes and found himself wanting to just say yes. It was easy. They could have a relationship and since they worked together it wouldn’t look odd to be coming and going together. To have dinners at nice restaurants. To shoot the shit on the weekends. He couldn’t though. There were too many ways for all of that to blow up in their faces and fuck the show up. He would wait and he would let Stephen down gently the day after the election.
“I will, Stephen.”
“Good,” Stephen said with a smile. “Can I do one thing though?”
“What?”
Jon watched as Stephen walked around the desk then took a hold on Jon’s chin and proceeded to place a gentle kiss on Jon’s lips. He was reminded of how soft the other man’s lips were and he could smell the coffee Stephen had been drinking earlier. Stephen backed up with a satisfied expression. Jon almost begged him to come back and do more, but his rational voice scolded him and his raging hormones.
“So, I’ll see you Monday. Get some sleep this weekend. I want to see you bright eyed and bushy tailed.”
“Isn’t that usually everyone’s description of you?”
“Yeah, but wouldn’t it freak them out a little if you actually came in one morning not looking like a zombie?” Stephen returned. He picked up his stuff again. “See you later.” He walked out of Jon’s office with a wave and Jon closed his eyes with a sigh.
****
“Hey, good lookin’.” Jon glanced to his right then took a drink of his beer. “Oh, come on. You can’t still be mad at me. I haven’t said anything to you about anything in two weeks.”
“He gave me a date.”
“Who gave you what?”
“Stephen gave me until the day after the election to make up my mind.”
“So, that definitely tells you he’s interested. What are you going to do?”
“I thought I knew. I really did. I was ready to tell him it wasn’t going to happen because I’m not right for him, because the network would freak out and because it would put a strain on everything.”
“Those sound like valid reasons, but they also sound like excuses because you’re a fucking chicken.”
“I didn’t say I had made up my mind, Mo. He had to kiss me and fuck it all up. I actually caught myself thinking about spending a lazy Sunday afternoon with him while I watched the Mets and he read a book. I don’t know where the hell that came from though. I’ve never been that guy. I never thought much past getting into my date’s pants and whether I should sneak out afterward or wait until the morning. And now I’ve got brunches and furniture shopping in my head.”
“Sounds like someone’s biological clock is ticking,” Mo retorted.
“Shut the fuck up, asshole. This is all your fault. You got me thinking about it. I was just going to leave it at the fucking kiss and ignore everything else. Stephen would have picked up on it and moved on.”
“Don’t blame all of this on me,” Mo told him. “Somehow you got Stephen interested.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t even think he liked me when I first started. I’m pretty sure he thought they were going to give him the hosting spot.”
“There was talk,” Mo said. “You had more of a name though. You had a show on MTV. Stephen only had failed TV shows and his failure as a news anchor.”
“He’s not a failure. What about the show he’s doing with his friends?”
“Not exactly burning up in the ratings,” Mo answered. “And it’s a little hard to do two shows at once. Somehow he keeps turning up at the studio looking like he had more sleep than most people will see in their life.”
“He told me to show up on Monday looking like I actually got some sleep. I certainly hope he was joking because after his little ultimatum and the fact my head likes to fuck with me I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Sorry, Jon.”
“You should be. You’re the fucker that had to butt his way into everything.”
“I don’t know if I’d put it like that.”
“I just did, Rocca. Deal with it. Now, if you’re going to be hanging out with me for the rest of the night I suggest you man up and get yourself an actual drink.”
“This is a drink,” Mo protested lifting his glass partially filled with an orange liquid.
“That is fruity cocktail. I’m talking shots.”
“Fine,” Mo agreed with a sigh. “But nothing I say tonight should be held against me. If I start talking about my wish to see certain people naked I do not need you reminding me of that ever. Do you understand?”
“Fine.” Jon waved at the bartender who came over. “Two shots of my usual, Mike.”
“You have a usual?” Mo asked.
“It helps when you become a regular,” Jon responded. Mike put the shot glasses in front of the men. Jon picked his up and waited for Mo who looked at it skeptically. “Bottoms up.” He threw it back and watched in amusement as Mo did the same than begin to cough violently.
“Smooth,” Mo croaked.
****
“Mo,” Jon said. The lump on his couch known as Mo Rocca didn’t move. “Come on, Mo. Get the fuck out of my apartment.”
“You tried to kill me,” Mo mumbled into the cushions.
“I did not,” Jon responded. “Get up.”
“No.”
“I have shit to do and I’m not leaving you here.”
“Maybe you should have thought of that before you gave me that fifth shot then proceeded to share your stand-up stories.”
“If you repeat that one about…”
“I won’t because you’re not repeating the one about the monkey.”
“I won’t.”
“Good.” Mo still didn’t move so Jon took a seat on his coffee table and stared at the man. “Why are you looking at me?”
“How can you tell? You’re eyes aren’t even open.”
“It’s a feeling. What do you want?”
“To thank you.”
“For what? Throwing up on the stairs outside your complex?”
“No. For listening to me. You stopped giving me shit and just listened. I appreciate that. No one’s done that for a while. I keep forgetting that there are actually decent people in this world.”
“You’re welcome. Now, can you shut up? I have this hangover that doesn’t like your voice.”
“You still need to get the fuck out of my apartment.”
“Go do your shit. I won’t steal anything. You probably don’t have anything worth stealing anyway.”
“Yeah, that Picasso above the couch is worthless.”
“Quit fucking with me, Stewart.”
“I was never fucking you to begin with. You’re the one that tried to kiss me.”
“Liar.”
“I wouldn’t make that up. You fucking tried to kiss me just before you tried to throw up on me.”
“Just shut up.”
“Fine. Lock up when you leave.” Jon stood up and grabbed the blanket that had fallen on the floor and placed it back on Mo. “Thanks again.” Mo smiled faintly.
****
Jon hesitated outside of the office. He knew Stephen wasn’t in there. Steve was though. He had seen Stephen leave with a woman friend of his. Amy? Yeah, Amy sounded right. She was cute. What was going on there?
“Will you stop hovering and just come in?”
Jon froze and the door opened the rest of the way. Steve stood inside wearing his studio clothes. He hadn’t changed unlike Jon.
“Sorry. I was just trying to remember something.”
“Did you need something? I said I’d have that segment tomorrow morning.”
“I need to ask you some questions,” Jon replied.
“About?”
“Stephen.”
“Stephen?” Steve repeated with a bewildered expression. “He just left with Amy. Call him if you need him.”
“No. I don’t need him here. I need to know a few things.” Steve continued to look confused. “Let me in so I’m not out here looking ridiculous.”
“Yeah. Come in. Just watch out for…” Jon stepped on something and winced at the crunch. “Well, I was going to say to watch out for the Legos, but I guess it’s too late for that.”
“Legos?” Jon looked down at his feet. “You guys play with Legos?”
“Play is such a juvenile word. We prefer create.” Jon gave him a look. “Okay, yes, we play with Legos. It helps us from going mad.”
“Wouldn’t the fact you’re both grown men playing with Legos be crazy enough?” Jon asked, moving a small stack books out of a chair so he could sit.
“Stop questioning our methods,” Steve told him. He crossed his arms and gave Jon a long look. “What do you need to know?”
“Tell me about Stephen.”
“That’s different from me answering questions you have about Stephen. Why can’t you talk to him yourself?”
“Because I can’t. Just tell me something. Anything.”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because I do. Can’t a guy just be curious about his fellow co-workers?”
“Then why don’t you ask me about me?”
“That’s for another day. Today is Stephen.”
“Okay. Fine. Well, he grew up in South Carolina. He’s the youngest of eleven kids. His dad died when he was ten.”
“Wait. His dad’s dead?”
“Yeah. His dad and two of his brothers died in a plane crash. Didn’t you know that?”
“No. I remember him saying he was going to talk to his dad on Father’s Day. I assumed he was going to call him up so I told Stephen to tell his dad I said hi. I didn’t realize that he actually meant…” Jon sighed. “Jesus, I am a bit of an ass.”
“No, you’re not,” Steve replied. “You didn’t know. What did Stephen say to you later?”
“That his dad said hi.”
“Then everything’s fine.”
“When did it happen?”
“September 11, 1974.”
“Fuck,” Jon groaned. “Okay. Well, I give up. I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Nothing,” Jon answered as he stood. “Forget it.” Steve frowned.
“No. You have to tell me now.”
“I do not.”
“Do to.”
“Do not.”
“Do to.”
“Do not.”
“Damn it,” Steve said. “We’re not ten. Just tell me what’s going on, Jon. You come in here and start asking me questions about Stephen. Stephen is my friend, Jon. I care about the guy even if sometimes he’s an ass, but then so am I sometimes. Just tell me what’s going on. ”
“Fine,” Jon responded. “I’m sorta, maybe considering,” He put a hand over his mouth, “dating Stephen.”
“What now?”
“I said,” Jon lifted his arms up and spoke into his bicep, “dating Stephen.”
“Okay. You need to speak clearly now.” Steve grabbed Jon’s wrists as he moved close to the man. “Tell me precisely what the fuck you’re trying to say because I don’t understand mumble.”
“Let go of me.”
“No. If I let go you’ll try talking into your crotch or something. Just talk to me.”
Jon took in a deep breath and looked around the room to focus on something. Anything except Steve’s green, curious eyes. Just like Stephen’s they were always inquisitive and expressive. He didn’t want to look at them.
“Jon?”
“I think I’m interested in Stephen,” Jon mumbled glancing downward at their shoes.
“I’m pretty sure I just heard that you’re interested in Stephen.”
“Yes.”
“And that’s why you’re being all weird and antsy. And why Stephen is really counting the days until the election.”
“That would be the case.”
“That’s fucking awesome.” Jon was suddenly engulfed in a hug by the other man and was momentarily afraid Steve was going to squeeze his guts out.
“Steve…”
“Oh, sorry.” Steve released him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m just glad that Stephen’s happy again. And that you’re interested. It’s just kinda awesome.”
“I said interested, Steve. Let’s not go overboard here. I haven’t decided on anything. I’m interested, but the thing is that I don’t think I’m right for him. He’s given me until the day after the election to decide.”
“Oh, come on. Seriously? You have to think about it? If it was me I wouldn’t. I’d accept it and be glad that Stephen chose me. That he saw something in you that he liked and wanted more of.”
“Why do I get the feeling…?”
“We did. Back at Second City. So did Amy and Paul. We’re better as friends.”
“What the hell did I do though?” Jon asked. “I’m not the right guy for him, Steve. I’ve never had one thought to a serious relationship and suddenly I’m considering furniture shopping so the couch matches our rug.”
“Furniture shopping? How fucking gay are you?”
“Look, asshole, I’m trying to be serious here. I’m so fucking confused. I want to tell Stephen I can’t do it because I’m not that guy. I’ve never been that guy, but he makes me want to be that guy.”
“Then be that guy,” Steve said.
“Damn it, Steve. There’s more to it than that. There’s the network to worry about. The audience. The…”
“Those are just fucking excuses,” Steve interrupted. “If you really want this then the only thing you need to worry about is making sure you don’t make some kind of sex tape that gets out to the public. And nobody is asking you to be brazen about the whole relationship or suddenly become the spokesmen for the entire gay community. It’s about you and Stephen. Not about them. Not about some assholes in suits. It’s about you.” Steve poked him in the chest hard enough that Jon was sure there would be a bruise later. “Don’t let other people dictate your decisions, Jon. That’s a good way to make sure you’re unhappy for a very long time.”
“That’s easy for you to say, but…”
“Fuck, Jon, you say one more stupid thing I will punch you. It’s your fucking decision, understand? Your decision.”
“Okay. Geez, I got it,” Jon said holding up his hands in surrender. “I’ll figure it out. Thanks for your help.”
“No problem,” Steve returned with a smile. “I hope you and Stephen have a nice first date. And don’t pressure him into anything. He likes to move slowly.”
“That is just too much information.”
“I’m just trying to be helpful.”
“Believe me, Steve, you were. I just didn’t need to know the mating rituals of Stephen Colbert.”
“Glad to be of service.”
****
“Some night, huh?” Jon looked at Stephen who was standing on the other side of the set desk. “We don’t even know who the president is.”
“Probably won’t even know until tomorrow,” Jon added.
“Won’t know a lot of things until tomorrow,” Stephen said with a sly smile.
“Stephen, about that,” Jon started as he stood. He began to move around the desk and was on the same level as Stephen. “I really don’t…”
“Stop,” Stephen ordered. “It’s not tomorrow. I said tell me after the election.”
“But I know now,” Jon replied. “Let me say it now.”
“You waited a month,” Stephen stated. “I don’t think a couple more hours will really hurt anything.”
“That’s the thing,” Jon began again. “I think it will. You won’t believe how many fucking hours I’ve agonized over this. How many people I had to consult in making this decision.”
“You consulted people?”
“Well, Mo and Steve. And Mo really just foisted his help on me. Even got me to quit smoking.”
“I noticed. Nice to know you’ll be hanging around the planet a little while longer now.”
“I wouldn’t have even fucking cared about that, but quitting somehow became about you. Everything seemed to become about you, Stephen. It was weird and scary and I think I saw some of my hair go gray right before my eyes. That has never happened. Never.”
“Oh,” Stephen murmured. “Is that a good thing? A bad thing?”
“I don’t know what it was,” Jon confessed. “And I honestly didn’t know what to do. You gave me until the day after the election, but if I wait any fucking longer then I think I might go a little nuts.”
“I’d hate for that to happen.”
“So my answer to you is yes.”
And the rest, as they say, is history.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-16 06:57 am (UTC)My favorite exchange in the whole fic was definitely between Jon and Stephen, though:
“That’s what nicotine will do to you. At least you’re not a coffee fiend.”
“Ah, so you’re the one who keeps draining the last of the pot.”
“I never said it was me. It could be Vance for all you know.”
“Is it?”
“No.”
Thank you so much for writing this for me! Every time, I tell myself the most important part of a fest is the writing part, but every time I'm always excited when I receive shiny fic. ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-18 01:19 am (UTC)